Can I Get A WootWoot?

Let's take a moment to truly appreciate just how far I have come, shall we?  A moment to reflect on the changes and triumphs of the last year, a nod to my goals reached and accomplishments made.  Because, well..freakin' BOOYAH, BABY!  I've busted out of so many ruts the path ahead is all smooth now.



Last summer, I was wearing a body covering black bathing suit (we all know the benefits of black), the skirt very thoughtfully covering my thighs.  This summer?  BAM.  That's a leopard print bikini, and it's one of FOUR bikinis I sported all summer long.  I have actual abs now and I really want everyone to get a good look at 'em.  On particularly good days, I find myself looking for an excuse to run errands in workout gear so strangers can be motivated by my gloriousness as well. 

Last summer, I started running and completed my first half marathon, donned in a long running skirt and tank top.  This summer, I emerged from a winter of beastly training and ran my first full marathon, donned in a sports bra and mini running skirt.  This summer, I completed my first Spartan Race and jumped over fire.   Last summer, I used walk/run intervals to train for my race. This summer, I am simply running as I train for the Runner's World Half Marathon and Festival.  (You may want to put on some sunglasses; my awesomeness is getting kinda blinding.)

Last summer, I was smack in the middle of TurboFire and it was the hardest workout I had ever managed to do.  This summer, I'm smack in the middle of Insanity and it IS the hardest workout I have ever done.  But I'm doing it and getting in even BETTER shape.  Traffic may stop by the time next summer rolls around...

Last summer, I was just beginning my road to a FitLife.  This summer, I am firmly entrenched and helping others as they begin wading in the SweatItOut pool.  I am running challenge groups, maintaining a business, and self-publishing a book.  I am on the road to certifications so I can get back to personal training and instructing.  I am headed towards even greater heights of awesomeness.  And the good news is - I'm taking YOU with me. 

All you gotta do is decide, commit, and succeed.  Three simple words.  The first two can be rough...but that last one is so terrifically sweet.  Trust me.  I know from personal experience.

Do More, Indeed.

What have I gotten myself into today?  Lemme tell ya.

It's the first of the month, so automatically that means two things.  1: My TurboLEAN Challenge Group kicks off today!  Love new challenge groups, love all things Chalene, love my challengers!  Automatic motivation boost.  2.  Today ALSO means the start of the SweatItOut AugustAbsChallenge, which includes a new ab move for every day of the month.  Keep in mind that I'm also not only leading but partaking in the Let's Get Crazy Insanity group and doing my best to boost training morale over at the SweatItOut Screamin' Spartans.  How am I doing that, you ask?  Lemme tell ya.

Today, I have thrown down a gauntlet for the Screamin' Spartans and my Insaniacs: do the Spartan Training workout of the day.  No problem, right?  Only today is Buck Furpee Day.  That means 300 burpees over the course of the day.  Fun stuff!  And they took the bait, so we're off and running.  WOOHOO and OOO-RA!

Now, about that AugustAbsChallenge (to be henceforth referred to as the AAC).  I briefly toyed with the idea of starting off slowly with a simple move like crunches to failure.  But...it just felt so vanilla and blah.  I'm much more in the mood for...THE HUNDRED.  Could be the endorphins coursing through my sweaty self after busting out Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs.  Could be the energy rush from a little E&E Formula I drank during my workout.  Could be that it's just the first of the month and that always sounds appealing and clean-slate-ish to me.

Or it could be that I like to jump first and look later.

Because I also forgot that today is the sumo squat "like" challenge for my TurboLEAN gals.  You know, because I like to charge headfirst.  Never mind that wall that I'm bound to crash into sometime this afternoon (or, I hope, this evening.  Big day today - I got a new fridge comin'!). 

So let's rehash that, shall we?  Go over my SweatItOut checklist for the day.

1.  Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs - We can check this one off.  Done, finished, finito, BAM.
2.  AugustAbsChallenge - the hundred.  About to bang this one out as soon as I finish writing all about it. 

True story.

3.  Buck Furpee Day - the plan is sets of 30 throughout the day, but I am gonna make a valiant attempt to kill 'em all as soon as possible.  Because I am ever aware of that wall...
4.  Sumo Squat Challenge - this could go all day, as long as people keep "liking" my photo.  But hey, I wanted to work on my lower body, right?  These thighs will make mincemeat outta that sumo.

Cute, ain't he?

And there you have it.  August 1.  So, uh...what are your workout plans for today?

Challenge Completed!

Well, here we are.  The 30-Day FitPhotoChallenge is complete.  And I have the photographic evidence to prove it.

Day 24: Workout Music

Day 24 was Workout Music.  Now, this is just the top of my favorite running playlist, but of course it contains a handful of my favorites.  You can add these to your "I Got Fitness And I Know It" playlist if you so desire.  Thank me later.

I got a tad sidetracked for a number of days, then cheated on my catchup by lumping three days into one photo (and one glorious fitness shopping spree! Weeeeee!).  The photos needed were: TryingSomethingNew, Fitness Shoes, and Addicted.  I am quite obviously an Insanity junkie, so that one was impossibly easy. 

Days 25-27

The shoes...well, I was in quite desperate need of some new crosstrainers (for Insanity...it's all one big cyclical thing here, folks), so Hubby and I schlepped the kids over to Aardvark and grabbed another pair.  I'm sticking with the Asics Gel TR 170's, just switching up my colors (oooh!aaaah! Coral!).  Unless they come out with a newer and cushier version, this is my shoe.  I'm on my third pair and the love has yet to fade. 

As for TryingSomethingNew...well, I got TWO in one photo.  I snagged my new vegetarian cookbooks (recipes and cooking are coming along slowly, but pretty well, despite what my children may tell you) and I've been trying new dishes every day.  But what I am amazingly excited about is my new Polar heart rate monitor!!!!!  I fully realize that only the deepest of fitness crazies will understand my unbridled enthusiasm at tracking my heart rate and thereby calories burned...but that doesn't even begin to dampen said enthusiasm.  I LOVE MY MONITOR.  I may need to print up a tshirt or maybe a bumper sticker.  Everyone else hearts their dogs, their kids, their spouse...I heart my monitor.  It kept me pushing and I felt an immense satisfaction seeing my effort there on my wrist in readable text.  I highly recommend strapping one on.  (MON-IT-OR.  Strap on a monitor.  Perverts.)



Day 28: Protein

So then we had Day 28: Protein.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.  I get my jolt of protein every morning whilst enjoying my delicious Shakeology.  Plugplugplug, advertiseadvertiseadvertise.  But for reals, yo.  Git summa dis.

Day 29: Love/Hate.  I both love my newfound healthy diet - it makes me feel and look fantabulous - but I hate cooking.  I try to find the joy of cooking, but it does not seem to be my area of expertise.  I have no fluidity in the kitchen.  BUT - I can muddle through with it knowing the vast rewards I'll be reaping.  And until I can afford my very own Vitamix, I'll just keep chopping and blending my fit lil' heart out.



Day 29: Love/Hate

Now, then...Day 30.  I did it!  I made it through the entire 30 days of the FitPhotoChallenge! Woohoo!  And I'm stronger, leaner, tougher, healthier, FITTER.  Look at me!  That body is the body of an Insanity-doin', vegetarian-eatin', fitness-gear-usin' MACHINE. 

Day 30: 30 Days Later

I've said it before, but I'll say it again: you don't have to hate!  Don't be jealous!  JOIN ME!  Tomorrow, over at the Facebook SweatItOut, we are beginning the AugustAbsChallenge, a new move for every day of the month.  I may have kicked alcohol to the curb, but you'd better believe I'll be bustin' a six pack by August 30. 

...or show it off with sports bras and compression shorts...

I Work Out

My fitness goals, as you know, include increased strength, increased cardio capability, and all the healthful byproducts of that.  They also include...*clearingmythroat*...lookin' good.

They work ooouuuttt.

Yes.  I, too, am shallow.  I want to look in that mirror and think, "Day-um! She fiiiiiiiinnnnne!"  And there are certainly days when that happens.  More and more often, in fact.  There are those days, yes, when I'm bloated and exhausted and just a mass of MomBlob...but they are fewer and farther between.  Most days, I hear LMFAO blaring in my brain when I'm slipping into my size 6 jeans (they're getting a tad big, you know) or slithering into one of my FOUR bikinis.  It runs through my head as I navigate my cart through the grocery aisles and around the racks at Target.

She be workin' on her fitness.

"When I push my cart through Wegmans, this is what I see...
Everyone stops and is starin' at me.
I got muscles on my arms and I ain't afraid to show it...
I'm sexy and I know it..."

That's right.  And that's just one song.  "Fergilicious" is another that gets its fair share of play time.  Because I be workin' on my fitness, and Jackson - he's my witness.  Don't even try to tell me you're not doing this too.  I see other women who strut and wonder what song it is they've got spinning in their heads.  (I also see the nonstrutting women glaring at those of us who do strut...I gather they're listening to Gilbert Godfried narrate How To Be Unhappy And Jealous Instead Of Doing Something About Your Life...or something like that.) 

Here are the requirements for my tune wedgies:

It must be superficial and shallow, namely about lookin' fine and blowin' minds.

It must have a beat I can wigglewigglewiggle to...yeah yeah.

It must have a catchy refrain that reminds me of my superior rear/abs/delts status.

Check our her guns.

Sometimes, if I catch the eye of jealous MomBlob (and they all immediately take on the appearance of Harry Potter's Aunt Petunia), the song will make an immediate switch to Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" while I smile politely yet knowingly.  I can almost hear Gilbert cackling in her head. 

So my gift to you today, dear Readers, is a little "I Got Fitness and I Know It" playlist.  Here's my personal soundtrack as I strut through my day, be it at Wegmans, Target, the public pool, or simply doin' diaper duty here at the M&M Estate.  Feel free to add your own personal "baby got BACK" tunes in the comments section.  I'm always lookin' for more ways to celebrate my outstandingness and music ranks high on that list.

The Queen's "I Got Fitness and I Know It" Playlist:
I'm Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO
Fergilicious - Fergie
Bad Reputation - Joan Jett
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Rumour Has It - Adele
Hanky Panky - Joan Jett
Hey Mama - Black Eyed Peas
You Could Be Mine - Guns N' Roses
Does Your Mother Know - ABBA
She's Crafty - Beastie Boys
Boys - Britney Spears
Lay Your Hands On Me - Bon Jovi
Dirty - Christina Aquilera
Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
Run The World (Girls) - Beyonce

Give A Hoot

You know I enjoy challenges, most particularly of the fitness variety.  I am also quite the Instagram addict.  This month, I am combining my two loves by completing a 30-day Fit Photo Challenge, which I first discovered via Chalene Johnson on Instagram. 

How can you participate, you ask?  Good thing for you, I am quite prepared to answer that question!  First, check out and save the picture right there up top.  As I began on July 1, the days of the challenge quite nicely correlate to the days of the month (because some people - not me, of course - can be quite scatterbrained and lose their place at times).  Then start posting your faboo pics on SweatItOut's Facebook page (link over there to your right), and voila!  You're knee deep in a new and fun challenge.  Even better - tell your friends and their friends that your pictures are up for the 'liking' and the pic with the most likes by July 31 wins a fantabulous fitness goodie basket.  Tell me again who your favorite blogger is...
Why am I doing it?  Well, because I find it motivates me and lately I've been requiring excessive motivation.  It makes me think about my workouts, my nutrition, my goals in ways that I, quite honestly, have not been doing as of late.  I have hit a bump in the road, a dry spell, fallen into a fitness funk, if you will.  This body is draggin' more than usual and I am pulling out all the stops to straighten it out.  So please - join me.  Motivate me.  Kick my virtual ass into gear.  Coffee, Shakeology, and E&E Formula can only do so much. 

Day 2: Healthy Lunch

Day 1: Before/Swimsuit Pic

So, Day 1 was the most challenging, at least for me.  And I am willing to bet for most of you readers.  Bathing suit and/or before pics always have strong embarassment potential.  But I find them to be highly motivating as well, because I am never satisfied with them.  Which translates to working harder on every aspect of my FitLife, including (Day 2: Healthy Lunch) my diet.

Day 3 was easy.  I work out nearly every day in some fashion, so I just had to post what that was (INSANITY, just in case you haven't been paying attention).

Day 3: Today's Workout

  Day 4 required more thought, as I typically don't pay much attention to the scale anymore.  I'm more about definition and the fit of my clothes.  But I do read a fair amount of women's fitness mags, which means I know what my goal looks like and what a woman my height and stature typically weighs when she looks that way.  So five pounds is my goal for this month; I'll tack on another five next month.


Day 4: Pounds I Will Lose

Day 5 was "Doing This For."  I have so many of those, but I chose the following: I do this for events (we all know how I feel about medals and bragging).  I do it so I can play with my kids and set an example for them.  I do it because it feels good.  I do it to look fabulous.  I do it for me.



Day 5: Doing This For

Day 6: Rest

Day 6: Rest.  I am not a good rester, in general.  I have explained in previous posts how it makes me feel guilty, though I quite understand my body requires it.  So to treat my body to the rest it so greatly deserves and to quiet those crazy thoughts, I add in light yoga or extended stretching on rest days.  Case closed, problem solved. 



Day 7: Fitness Gear

Day 7: Fitness Gear.  This month, that means surprisingly little.  For past programs, I had weights, weighted gloves, running shoes, fuel belts...This month, I've got my Insanity DVD's, my fitness magazines, and me.  And check out what that's done for my abs.  I anticipate I'll be cutting glass with those suckers by the end of my 60 days.  Don't be jealous.  There's still time to get crazy with my challenge group (with the added fun of trouncing Hubby's P90X group!).



Day 8: Healthy Treat

Day 8: Healthy Treat.  I love me some fruit salad (yummy, yummy - that's for all you parents of toddlers).  So tonight I layered it up with mango, pineapple, strawberries, and cantaloupe.  Woo, boy!  That was T-A-S-T-Y.
And pretty easy, challenge-wise.  I'll need to put more thought and creativity into tomorrow's picture (Day 9: Proud).  But those tend to be my favorites anyway.

So join me, won't you?  Consider this post your engraved invitation without any box to check for "cannot attend."  Help a sweaty sista out, friends.  Gimme that motivational push I seek. 
Ask not what SweatItOut can do for you, but what you can do for SweatItOut.  Read my lips: more new photos.  (New.  Not nude.  You guys and your dirty minds...)  There is nothing to fear but fat itself.  And many more inspirational and totally original motivational quotes, all of which mean the same basic thing: do what I tell you.  Take the pics.  Load 'em up.  Find me on Instagram (@miller343) and join me on Facebook, if you haven't already.  I am a hoot and a half, most days.  Some days, I'm even two or three hoots.  Maybe we can even restore me to a full 10 hoots if everyone rallies. 

In fact, I believe that is how the pictures shall be rated.  On a "hoot scale."  How many hoots are you?

Face in the Dirt

I knew it was coming...

Yesterday was our annual family reunion/Fourth of July pool party.  We gather each year at my cousin's lovely home to wreak havoc on their lawn, pool, and downstairs bathroom.  Food abounds in all varieties: desserts, grilled burgers and weiner meats, various noodled salads, baked beans, and even fresh fruits and veggies.  I had my food all planned out before we even left the house: tropical strawberry Shakeology, my own selections of berries and organic snacks, and lots of water.  To make food decisions even easier on myself, I donned my brand spankin' new stars-and-stripes bikini.  Started the day with a lovely flat belly and I was gonna finish with it, too.

The first appearance

Oh, but this year...this year my darling cousin prepared DIRT.  Now, if you have never seen nor tasted dirt, consider yourself both damned and incredibly blessed.  For once you taste this sweet nectar, you can never un-taste it and the addiction will be forever yours.  A creamy blend of whipped cream, vanilla pudding, cream cheese, and crushed Oreos, it is oh-so-easily scooped and devoured.  Sometimes, even three servings are not enough.  Not even when you have planned so very carefully and even told others to NOT DO THIS.  I actually posted a warning for moments such as these on my Facebook fan page (SweatItOut...there's a link right over there...go ahead and "like" it and have even more fun stalking me).  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered my pious ways.  But my tastebuds and my belly had missions of their own.

Oh, THURP.

Alas, to make matters worse, it seemed everyone had cameras.  And it seemed that whenever said cameras were focused on me, my belly wanted all the attention.  Perhaps to showcase its precious and ever-expanding food baby.  In only one shot did my distended abdomen get upstaged: when a photo was snapped from behind and my ass said, "Hey! I'm not in great shape yet either!"

My ass would not be ignored.

OH. MY. HORROR.  I suppose I could shrink into myself if there was any room left next to the cheeseburgers (the dirt sent me spiraling...one helping of it and I was Alice falling into the rabbit hole, grabbing at anything that said "Eat me.").  Or...OR...I could use this as more motivation.  Yes, I was not as gorgeous as I had hoped.  I was not as steadfast as I had planned.  But I am farther than I was.  No more double chin.  No more triceps waving goodbye long after my hand has stopped.  And my ass is at least higher than in previous summer photos.  And, really, I think my back looks pretty darn good. 

At least I drank water...

Plus, now I am even more motivated for my Insanity Challenge Group.  I am expecting big results, and I'm clear about what my goals are now.  I will have to work hard, both at the food table and with the workouts, but I like that.  I live for that shit.  I will not be deterred.  So, yes, I am also beginning my 30-day Fitness Photo challenge today.  Which means I am supposed to submit either a bathing suit or a before shot to my fan page.  I say, why not both?  It'll be a two-in-one, because I plan on taking that next bathing suit shot in 30 days and seeing yet another transformation.  This project is not finished yet.

Let's Go Crazy

Yesterday, the heavens parted and a special kind of golden light shone upon my back porch.  For there, in what to all others appeared an ordinary shipping box, sat my long-awaited Insanity DVD's.  Listen...do you hear them?  The angels are singing a celebratory workout hymn.

Today, they shut up.  They couldn't speak either.

Because, holy motherf*#kin' SHIT.  (That's me talking now, not the angels.)  That was the most incredibly difficult 45 minutes of my Fit Life.  I mean, even harder than when I worked out live with Shaun T in Bangor.  (No seriously, dude came to Bangor.  How crazy is that?)  The warmup was tougher than any Cardio X in its entirety.  So, yeah.  I'd say I'm gonna get my money's worth.

I am drenched.  That is typical of any workout, as I tend to shine with effervescence after a simple stroll to the fridge.  (I have been informed this indicates a fitter Queen overall; my body is just awesomely efficient at cooling itself due to its recent upgrades in exercise.  I am so fit, in fact, that even my dogs wrinkle their noses if I get too close post-workout.  And Otis regularly sniffs his own farts with pleasure.)  I am also energetically EXHAUSTED.  By which I mean, I could not eke out a single extra burpee or pushup, but I still feel charged and AMAZING.  Make that AMAZING.  That was hard.  But I DID IT.  So, uh...boo to the YAH, my friends.

I am tremendously excited to discover just how much more efficiently I will be cooling myself when the 60 days is up.  My guess is, a single breath and I'll need a new shirt.  But I'm also guessing I'll be able to stop a bus with my abs. 


So I guess the only REAL question is...WHO'S WITH ME???  I mean, I will go it alone if I must...but then you'd all just be jealous of my relationship with Shaun T and your inferior body cooling system.  There's a challenge group starting in just two weeks...I highly suggest you all go crazy and sign up. 

Ghosts of Fitness Past

I'll admit, I'm a sucker for advertising.  I really ought to set parental controls for infomercials and start wearing those horse blinders through department stores.  Of course, I am forever grateful to the late-night ordering that led me to Beachbody, but there were many pitfalls and stops along the way.  Not all of them were unworthy, but none kept my interest piqued for quite so long.  Let's take a gander at my ghosts of fitness past, shall we?

My earliest workout memory involves shiny spandex and high ponytails and muscles of steel.  Before I stood before my mirror to tease my bangs, scrunch my permed hair, or tuck-and-roll my stonewashed jeans, I crunched and squeezed with Tamilee Webb.  I longed to have her flat little tummy and tight little tush.  Alas, our mornings together, though beginning with much gusto, became infrequent and eventually nonexistent.  We never had an official breakup; there was simply a time when I no longer loaded that VHS tape nor packed it for my move to college.

The same was true for my thighmaster (yes, I had one).  I saw that commercial and thought, "How easy! I can watch TV and let my eyes glaze over while I create the perfect thighs!"  Damn you, Chrissy Snow, for creating such high hopes.  I cannot imagine how many squeezes one must do each day to attain those slender thighs, but I do know it was far more than I ever did.  Another advertising dream dashed, I stuffed the thighmaster under my daybed with my cassette tapes, never to be used again.

Things improved slightly in college.  I gained a fitness buddy and we developed a slight obsession with Kathy Ireland and everything she hawked in KMart.  (Did I mention that said university was located in rural PA and KMart was the closest approximation to a mall in our vicinity?)  We hopped through grapevines, pulsed through leg raises, and reached through stretches.  Kathy travelled with me to my first post-college home, but when I discovered gym life and a DVD player, she no longer made the cut.  Although, now that she is selling furniture, I find myself wanting once again to buy from her.  I suppose those fond memories of awkward toe taps and low-budget filming will always leave me with a soft spot for her.

Around this time I also developed a keen interest in tae bo and Billy Blanks.  This is where I began to actually work out - that is, when I stopped doing low-key and every-now-and-then workouts and started putting in actual effort and regularity.  And, coincidentally, began seeing actual results from my dedication.  I barely made it through my first tae bo session; within months, I was teaching classes at my local gym and pushing people to work harder.  So, thank you, Mr. Blanks.  To this day, I still enjoy the occasional sweat with you.

More recently, I (along with the rest of America) became aware of Jillian Michaels.  I found her so compelling that I purchased her DVD's, her book, and a treadmill with her voice.  Through following the regimen in Making The Cut, both Hubby and I found relatively quick results.  Alas, the time spent on food prep and travelling to the gym cut too severely into our time with the kids and each other.  We looked fabulous.  But we were ex-haust-ed. 

So what to do?  P90X!  And then Chalene!  And then Shaun T!  Bliss!  Sweet, sweet torture.  We are home; we can get results with an hour or less a day; we can do it whenever suits us.  No class schedule or childcare required.  No sharing space, no other people's sweat, no waiting for class to start.  We press play and we're on our way.  This...this is my key to working out.  Yes, it's popular.  Yes, I found it through an infomercial.  However...this is no fad.  These are actual exercises that work.  Plus, they're FUN.  We are happy campers here at the M&M Estate.

So, once again, I advise you to figure out YOUR soulmate workout.  Do classes motivate you?  Do you like the face time with a live instructor?  Do you need to squeeze your workouts into an already crazy schedule?  Do you wanna dance/lift/kick/punch/stretch?  Ask yourself - what is the most fun I've ever had doing a physical activity (hey! perverts!)?  THAT is your soulmate workout.  Still unsure?  Contact me.  I'll tell you what to do.  Because I enjoy being bossy like that.

queenie3431@hotmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/#!/queensweat

Earning It

You know what happens when you're so full of awesome it starts leaking out your pores? People try to steal it.  True story. 

Most of the time, it's quite flattering.  I get a rush of my own motivation when I learn others are motivated by this very blog right here.  Love that.  I feel all pumped up when new fans are added to my Facebook fan page and actually interact there.  That is fantastic.  And I jump at the chance to babble on and on about my Fit Life passions when people have questions about their very own fitness pursuits.  Adore this.  These are three of the reasons I choose to keep my accounts public.  So everyone has access to my awesomeness.  (And my business - don't forget to check out those hot little ads flashing to your right.)  All I ask in return is...don't be a behind-the-scenes stalker.  Don't twist all this positivity into bitterness.  You ain't gots ta be jealous - this club does not boast exclusive membership.  Everyone can join.

I'm gonna warn all you newbies now: when others see your results, they typically have one of two reactions.  1: "You look incredibly healthy! Tell me how you achieved such amazing results so I can do that too!" or 2. "You look incredibly healthy! I am very jealous and want to tear you down!"  See, most of you reading this fall under that first group, and I just love ya to pieces!  We're going places, you and I!  You've joined my KickOffSummer Challenge group; you've messaged me, FB'd or tweeted me, you've double-tapped my pics on Instagram.  You ROCK.  Keep motivating me, please!  You're doing wonders for my abs. 

Now you folks in Group 2...how come?  Haters don't have to hate.  And haters don't have to imitate.  See, we Group 1 people appreciate individuality.  You know the saying, "You were born an original...don't be a copy?"  That's good stuff, right there.  Learn it.  Know it.  Live it.  And relax.  Take all that energy you're expending on bitterness, jealousy, and cutting down and put it into a really fabulous workout.  Amazing things will happen for you!  Your shoulders will drop down away from your steaming ears; your frown will turn upside down; your entire ass will unclench.  And hey, we'll be right here with open toned arms, just waiting to crush you in fit hugs and slap your back with genuine praise. 

But until you make that forward step...you just motivate me.  You fuel my workouts.  Your disdain and surety that I can't do it makes me certain that I can.  My advice to you?  Until you reclaim your sanity, step aside so you don't get run over.  This here train...it's movin' at full speed and there ain't nothin' you can do to stop it.

Legend...Hold the Dairy...

I talk a LOT about the exercise side of fitness.  It's my love, my passion, my addiction.  And yes, it gets me results.  It makes me stronger, faster, leaner...more irresistible.  Plus, it's fun.  I get to kick, punch, run, dance...and I typically only have to do so for one to two hours a day.  Which, I feel, is pretty easy.  The nutrition side of fitness...that side which glowers upon regular chocolate cake consumption and does not condone a daily intake of Funyuns...that is not so fun.  And, until recently, it was not even remotely easy for me.  Good thing I like challenges and being told it can't be done.

I was never what anyone would label "a healthy eater."  I was more likely to fall under the category of "eternal grazer" or "garbage disposal."  I ate massive amounts of food in single sittings with constant snacking energizing me between meals.  And I ate things like Weis dessert bowls (frequently enough that my coworkers began calling them "Jen Bowls"); king size Snickers bars; 20-piece McNuggets with three different sauces so my delicate pallette would not get bored.  We frequented the diner down the street so often that we had our own booth and the waitresses knew our "usuals." 

Then I started TurboFire and started dropping pounds and inches.  I was, to put it mildly, quite pleased.  I continued to drop when I picked up running, and I started gaining muscle when I began using ChaLEAN Extreme.  But that mid-section still looked suspiciously poochy, as though it might be carrying something.  And it was.  It was carrying Big Macs, taco pizza, everything fries, and too many desserts to name (but all containing chocolate).  I took a moment to be frustrated, to feel depressed, to pout and whine and stomp my feet regarding the unfairness of it all.  Then I turned to my favorite place for change: Beachbody. 

I wanted more results and I wanted them faster.  I ordered HipHop Abs, E&E Formula, and my first round of Shakeology.  I signed up for my personalized meal plan and started using myfitnesspal again.  I returned to Body Confidence by Mark McDonald. Things began happening. 

First, I fell in lust with Shaun T and in love with E&E.  Then I made a lifelong commitment to Shakeology, which led to a lifelong commitment to (mostly) clean eating.  Because here's the thing: I have that shake in the morning, and I find it ridiculously easy to maintain healthy eating for the remainder of the day.  My body gets what it needs, so minimal (if any) cravings follow.  For a girl that used to hide candy bars in the freezer so my kids wouldn't get them, who used to stock an entire file drawer at my desk with snacks ranging from funsize chocolate bars to entire boxes of cereal...that's kind of a big deal. 

Now here came the most kickass part of all the kickass-edness (yes, it's a word!): I had ab muscles under that pooch! And a waistline!  For the first time since junior high, I saw flat abs in my future.  I don't even have to flex.  They just pop out.  It's like every day, I'm more awesome.  It's hard to believe, right?  How does one so awesome continually find more room for awesome?  Barney Stinson ain't got nothin' on this girl.  Legend...

Speaking of dairy...Yeah.  I don't do that anymore, either.  At least, the occasions are few and far between.  I originally cut it out as part of the Body Confidence jump start plan, but found that not only did I not miss it, I felt better overall.  And after being dairy free for a few weeks, when I had a small glass of milk...Let's just say, things weren't the same between me and the white stuff anymore.  Which just makes decisions that much easier still.  Again with the awesome.

And again, my point behind all this rambling is THIS: if I, the bacon-loving, chocolate-cake-shoveling, fried-cheese-inhaling garbage disposal and former champion of all encased meats, can not only change my diet and garner control over my eating but am actually SATISFIED with my current intake...then so can you.  I don't wanna hear crap about healthy foods being too expensive.  I don't wanna hear "but my kids won't eat that."  I especially don't wanna hear "but that's too difficult."  I will slap that french fry right outta your mouth. 

Fact: eating right will extend your life.  It will extend your children's lives.  Less sickness equals less prescriptions and less trips to the doctor.  Fact: your kids will eat what you provide.  You're the parent and you make the rules.  When my children complain, I make them this deal: get a job, do the shopping, prepare the meals.  Then we can have cheeseburgers and potato chips every night.  Guess what?  We're still eating organic veggies and grilled fish or chicken.  Fact: the more you do it, the easier it gets.  The only difficult part is the first two or three weeks.  Once those devil toxins are cast from your body, you will crave things like cantaloupe and mixed greens and water.  And then I won't have to keep slapping you.  Which is nice for both of us.

And now that I have finished my Dwight Shrute-like diatribe, I'm going to go sip my green tea, read a little Mama Llama with the babe before he naps...and then I'm gonna rip into HIIT 15 and some ab work.  Because Shakeology gave me the energy to do so.