Spartan Eve

'Twas the day before the Spartan,
And all through the Estate
Not a muscle was straining
And only lean foods I ate.

My stomach was jumping
But my legs they stayed still
In the hopes that we'd make it
Up the steepsteepsteep hill.

What have I done?
My alarmed brain, it cried,
So certain was it
That we would get fried.

Gloves or no gloves?
Tank or no tank?
Does it even matter?
My stomach...it sank.

And then I remembered -
I am MILLER, Queen of All!
I am a strong-ass bitch
And I NEVER fall!

Spartan? Pshaw!
I raised a werewolf, a bear!
And I work out each day -
These guns are a pair!

So at the finish line I'll wait
While others slip and they slide.
This is just more event
In which I'll take pride!

I Prefer the Term "Sanity Challenged"

I would very much like you to ask me about my workout today.  *pausingpolitely*  Okay, I'm going to assume you took that moment to wonder aloud, "I wonder how her workout went today?"  To which I quickly reply, "FANFREAKINTABULOUS!"

No, seriously!  I am now regularly making it through warmups without pausing to catch my breath (yes, the warmup is that intense).  I am even moving faster during said warmups than I was two weeks ago.  And today I made it through a good 33 minutes before I began any modifications.  My arms are doing the impossible - becoming even more gorgeous than they already were.  I know.  I didn't think that could happen, either.  Turns out, we were all wrong. 

I have these fabulous little cuts between my biceps and triceps, a darling little v-formation taking place.  It's okay to be jealous, but you don't have to be.  Because you can get them too!  Fo' realz, yo.  (I speak incredibly embarassing minivan-mom gangsta when I feel all badass about my workouts.  Fo' rizzle.)  Click on that link over there IMMEDIATELY and order up some Insanity.  I say IMMEDIATELY because that challenge group I keep obsessing over starts on Sunday.  If you show up late, we'll still take you, but you're gonna feel all awkward and out of step.  So you'd better just move your mouse a little faster and start clickin'.

Day 12: Sweat

ANYWAY...back to ME.  I am so incredibly AWESOME.  Today felt like a 10-mile run kinda high, when I just need to babble on and on about my faboo workout, how strong I am, and what sort of changes I noted in my body and my ability...but alas, Hubby went to work today.  Damn him!  I tried being all loud and "Holy CRAP! That was certainly impressive of me!" so the kids would ask, but they were only concerned as to when we would be reaching the cool waters of the public pool.  Of course, that did not stop me from pointing at my sweat and posing for photos I made them take.  Solely for the purpose of keeping up with my Fit Photo Challenge, of course.  It had nothing whatsoever to do with my endorphin rush or infatuation with how muscular I looked in my new Beachbody tshirt. 

I can't wait for tomorrow's workout to see how much I've improved there.  And I can't wait to see me at the end of the 60 days with my challenge group.  I just have a feeling Hubby will have to start wearing oven mitts...'cause I'm gonna be H-O-T.








PS: Here's what I did for days 9 through 11:

Day 9: Proud.  I am proud of my events, my progress, having my nutrition in check, and just plain proud of ME.

Day 10: My Accountability.  When it all comes right down to it, ain't nobody doin' it but me.  No one can make me press play and no one can force me to do floor sprints till I wanna cry. 

Day 11: Stretch.  As fit as I have become, I still have a really difficult time slowing down for an extended stretch session.  But I refuse to skip it because I know the vast array of benefits it provides.  So a-stretching I will go.

Stay tuned for the rest of the month...




I Feel Like I'm Taking Crazy Pills!

I believe we've covered this already, but I suppose it bears repeating.

STOP WITH THE CRAZY PILLS.

And stop with anything that says, "You don't even have to exercise! Eat anything you desire!"  I am only telling you this because I care about you.  True story.

You don't have to buy any of my outstanding Beachbody products to get in shape (although they sure do make it clear cut and simple).  You don't have to visit a nutritionist or a trainer.  The information is all out there, in magazines, on the web, in books.  Eat right.  Exercise.  That's it.  The information doesn't change - no matter how badly you may want it to.  Fit takes effort.  Healthy takes commitment.  You're either willing...or you're not.

I do try to be understanding about these things.  I was once in your shoes.  Desperate for a change and demanding it be quick.  I also used to dream of having my very own unicorn and marrying Jordan Knight.  We have fantasy and we have reality.  A lot of the time, they don't mesh.  You can choose to cry into your triple-thick shake or salt your fries with your tears...or you can buck the hell up and actually DO something about your situation.  Something long-term with lasting results.

You know why I signed on as a Beachbody coach in the first place?  Get ready, because it's all shmaltz.  The programs I used CHANGED MY LIFE.  There was no pandering, no "girly" workout toned down to make it more marketable.  Its marketability was the toughness.  And for the first time in my love/hate relationship with fitness, I was truly challenged and I LOVED it.  So I became a coach, because I believe that strongly in the programs and the products.  And I wanted to help others reach the level of fitness I am still striving for. 

You won't ever find me wandering the "diet aids" aisle in the pharmacy again.  You won't see SlimFast in my refrigerator.  If you want to locate me, look in my living room, where I'm currently training harder than I ever have.  Look on the backroads near my home, where I run faster than I ever have.  Look in the organic and produce aisles, where I shop smarter than I ever have.  Or look for me next to my kids on the playground, at the pool, on the hiking trails...instead of sitting off to the side, puffing away on a smoke.  If this overweight, chainsmoking, fast-food grubbing gal can turn herself into a lean, mean, vegetable-eating machine...EVERYONE CAN. 

You think you have an excuse?  I'd love to hear it.  Message me via my fan page on Facebook (also SweatItOut - link to your right).  Let's chat.  I can't promise I'll respond the way you want me to, but I can promise I'll respond the way you need me to.

Give A Hoot

You know I enjoy challenges, most particularly of the fitness variety.  I am also quite the Instagram addict.  This month, I am combining my two loves by completing a 30-day Fit Photo Challenge, which I first discovered via Chalene Johnson on Instagram. 

How can you participate, you ask?  Good thing for you, I am quite prepared to answer that question!  First, check out and save the picture right there up top.  As I began on July 1, the days of the challenge quite nicely correlate to the days of the month (because some people - not me, of course - can be quite scatterbrained and lose their place at times).  Then start posting your faboo pics on SweatItOut's Facebook page (link over there to your right), and voila!  You're knee deep in a new and fun challenge.  Even better - tell your friends and their friends that your pictures are up for the 'liking' and the pic with the most likes by July 31 wins a fantabulous fitness goodie basket.  Tell me again who your favorite blogger is...
Why am I doing it?  Well, because I find it motivates me and lately I've been requiring excessive motivation.  It makes me think about my workouts, my nutrition, my goals in ways that I, quite honestly, have not been doing as of late.  I have hit a bump in the road, a dry spell, fallen into a fitness funk, if you will.  This body is draggin' more than usual and I am pulling out all the stops to straighten it out.  So please - join me.  Motivate me.  Kick my virtual ass into gear.  Coffee, Shakeology, and E&E Formula can only do so much. 

Day 2: Healthy Lunch

Day 1: Before/Swimsuit Pic

So, Day 1 was the most challenging, at least for me.  And I am willing to bet for most of you readers.  Bathing suit and/or before pics always have strong embarassment potential.  But I find them to be highly motivating as well, because I am never satisfied with them.  Which translates to working harder on every aspect of my FitLife, including (Day 2: Healthy Lunch) my diet.

Day 3 was easy.  I work out nearly every day in some fashion, so I just had to post what that was (INSANITY, just in case you haven't been paying attention).

Day 3: Today's Workout

  Day 4 required more thought, as I typically don't pay much attention to the scale anymore.  I'm more about definition and the fit of my clothes.  But I do read a fair amount of women's fitness mags, which means I know what my goal looks like and what a woman my height and stature typically weighs when she looks that way.  So five pounds is my goal for this month; I'll tack on another five next month.


Day 4: Pounds I Will Lose

Day 5 was "Doing This For."  I have so many of those, but I chose the following: I do this for events (we all know how I feel about medals and bragging).  I do it so I can play with my kids and set an example for them.  I do it because it feels good.  I do it to look fabulous.  I do it for me.



Day 5: Doing This For

Day 6: Rest

Day 6: Rest.  I am not a good rester, in general.  I have explained in previous posts how it makes me feel guilty, though I quite understand my body requires it.  So to treat my body to the rest it so greatly deserves and to quiet those crazy thoughts, I add in light yoga or extended stretching on rest days.  Case closed, problem solved. 



Day 7: Fitness Gear

Day 7: Fitness Gear.  This month, that means surprisingly little.  For past programs, I had weights, weighted gloves, running shoes, fuel belts...This month, I've got my Insanity DVD's, my fitness magazines, and me.  And check out what that's done for my abs.  I anticipate I'll be cutting glass with those suckers by the end of my 60 days.  Don't be jealous.  There's still time to get crazy with my challenge group (with the added fun of trouncing Hubby's P90X group!).



Day 8: Healthy Treat

Day 8: Healthy Treat.  I love me some fruit salad (yummy, yummy - that's for all you parents of toddlers).  So tonight I layered it up with mango, pineapple, strawberries, and cantaloupe.  Woo, boy!  That was T-A-S-T-Y.
And pretty easy, challenge-wise.  I'll need to put more thought and creativity into tomorrow's picture (Day 9: Proud).  But those tend to be my favorites anyway.

So join me, won't you?  Consider this post your engraved invitation without any box to check for "cannot attend."  Help a sweaty sista out, friends.  Gimme that motivational push I seek. 
Ask not what SweatItOut can do for you, but what you can do for SweatItOut.  Read my lips: more new photos.  (New.  Not nude.  You guys and your dirty minds...)  There is nothing to fear but fat itself.  And many more inspirational and totally original motivational quotes, all of which mean the same basic thing: do what I tell you.  Take the pics.  Load 'em up.  Find me on Instagram (@miller343) and join me on Facebook, if you haven't already.  I am a hoot and a half, most days.  Some days, I'm even two or three hoots.  Maybe we can even restore me to a full 10 hoots if everyone rallies. 

In fact, I believe that is how the pictures shall be rated.  On a "hoot scale."  How many hoots are you?

Friendly Competition

So it seems Hubby wants a little action.  (Outta the gutter, perverts!)  He is attempting to wrangle a few followers of his own by running a P90X challenge at the EXACT SAME TIME as my own Insanity (aka "Let's Get Crazy") challenge.  Hmmph.

Now, you all know I have a deep affection for Tony and his 90-day weight training program.  It was a certainly a nice way to get in shape...so that I could move on to a 60-day training program that requires absolutely no equipment whatsoever.  *battingeyelashes*smilingsweetly*  I will always be grateful to Mr. Horton for helping me to reach a point where I'm ready to tackle a program like Insanity.  And I'm sure, in the future, I may even return to P90X here and there, for I do enjoy the fine view it provides alongside a truly incredible upper body workout. 

It's just that right now, I need my space.  I'd like to see other instructors.  It's too soon in my fitness journey for me to be tied down to just one program.  I need the cardio of TurboFire, the booty work of Brazil Butt Lift, and the upper body strength training of P90X.  Turns out, I can get all three of those in one workout...and still enjoy the view. 

I consider these first two weeks "research."  Mainly because I am far too impatient to wait until the official start date of July 15, when my group will be taking the fit test, posting measurements and before pics, and generally being all excited to start the first workout on July 16.  But I will restart with them so we can all kick ass on the same schedule and relatively same diet plan. 

And by "kicking ass," I mean both our own and those of our opposing challenge group.  The gauntlet, my friends, has been thrown.  Who will yield better results?  (I'm suppressing a chuckle, because I already know the answer.)  Time will tell.  (snickersnortchuckle) 

As Tony says, BRING IT.  Things are about to get INSANE.

Independence Day



Independence from weakness

Take a moment and think about it: independence.  What, exactly, does that mean to you? 

As it coincides with my fitness journey, this is what it means to me.

Independence from nicotine.  It's been over two years since I laid the PFunks down.  My lungs are thankful, my teeth and throat are thankful, and my family is thankful.  If you are a smoker, let this be your day to declare independence from the pack.

Independence from fast food.  I can't remember the last time I ate anything from the Golden Arches, the King, or that little red-headed slut.  I don't crave it; the thought of it makes me want to hurl.  I no longer sacrifice my nutrition for the sake of convenience.  Just recently, Chic-Fil-A went through the exit door as well.  My goal now?  Never again will I purchase food from a window.

Independence from wishing.  Wishing for health and smaller pants never got me very far.  Turns out, working for my goals not only got me there, but got me dreaming and achieving bigger and better.  I found I can accomplish more on a daily basis than I ever dreamed, or wished, I could.



Independence from negativity

Independence from weakness.  Every day, I make my body stronger.  I work harder, I eat cleaner.  The very rewarding byproduct of this?  Every day, I make my mind and my soul stronger, too.  The more I discover what my body is capable of, the more I realize what I am capable of in my life.  This journey has led me far past the physical. 

Independence from negativity.  I no longer devote my time to the haters, the naysayers, the two-faced gossips.  They are no longer my concern.  I will not waste my energy on those so devoted to building themselves up by tearing others down.  I am far too busy climbing to the top and bringing as many people as I can along with me.  I tend to feel happier and more content when I am helping others to feel the same.  No more exclusive clubs; in this case, independence equals inclusion.



Independence from "can't"

Independence from "can't."  I banished that word from my vocabulary and my house.  In this house, there is no such thing as "can't."  Instead, there are goals and steps to reach them.  A year ago, I was beginning training for my first half marathon.  Running is hard work and there were definite "can't" moments in my head.  I may not be able to pinpoint the exact moment that changed, but I went from training for that race to running a full marathon this year.  Excuses no longer mean anything to me, so don't try to offer them up.  I have an argument or a solution for every "can't" you give me.

There you have it.  My Fourth of July Independence Day diatribe, written in my post-Insanity endorphin high.  So now, tell me - what does independence mean to YOU? 

Truth in Advertising



Truth. If you do Insanity over and over, you will get different results.

So I just finished another round of Insanity.  Dripping does not begin to describe the torrential downpour of perspiration I got goin' on right this moment.  (Yes, I sit in my nasty ass workout gear to write my blogs.  Just be thankful you're reading this from afar.)  And endorphins?  They are RAGING.  I hate to break it to TurboFire, and I will never forget my first love...but...I FREAKIN' LOVE THIS WORKOUT. 

I will swear on a stack of Women's Health magazines, this is by far my favorite workout I have encountered thus far.  More than TurboFire.  More than...dare I say...running?  Yep.  I love that I'm typically done in under an hour and I have nothing more to give at the end of the stretch.  I love that my arms are wobbly and my thighs are aching.  I love knowing I get to do it all again tomorrow.  That's the insane part, I suppose.

I feel some extra pride today because I got through the warmup just a tad easier than the first day and didn't begin modifications until well over halfway through today's session.  Progress already!  The kiddos watched in amazement as puddles of sweat formed under my body during the pushup drills.  They did not speak; they were too afraid.  (Rules at our house: unless someone is bleeding, not breathing, or unconscious, no one is to try to engage Mama in conversation whilst she is working out.  The penalty for such transgressions is joining Mama in said workout.) 

I am brimming with excitement for the Let's Go Crazy Challenge Group.  I can't wait to share this workout and see what the challengers think of it.  I especially can't wait to see Hubby's arms after a few weeks of this...Mmmmhmmm.  ....what was I talking about?  Oh, yes!  My challenge group and my high hopes for them!  There is NO WAY to fail with this program.  If you do it, you will see results.  I love that.  Truth in advertising is so rare.

So join us, won't you???  Get your sweat on, commiserate and brag with us, and tell your friends to get tickets to the gun show you're hosting in 60 days.  If you were waiting for the right moment, I'm here to tell you to STOP.  Because the moment is NOW.

Welcome to the gun show...